Metamorphosis

I took my first 50mg of Zoloft. I got very tired, felt heavier, my ears had a distant ringing; but I felt alert and aware of all of my senses, every emotion. I wasn’t on autopilot coasting through the minutes like the zombie I usually am. I felt like me; relaxed, silly, nerdy, awkward, and goofy.

Nine hours later, I washed my hands in the bathroom and when I looked up, it was right into the reflection of my own eyes. There was so much power and life behind them, a touch of rambunctious playfulness dancing within. It was like looking into the eyes of a stranger. I’d never really seen myself before. I gasped aloud as I realized, “… I’m… pretty!”

For once it wasn’t a question, but a statement. That sounds stupid but females struggle with acceptance of physical self all throughout their lives.

A feeling of gratitude suddenly flooded me.

I felt good enough.

And somehow at 5:20 in the morning, at age 30, I began to accept myself. Do any of you really look at yourselves? At the fire in your eyes? I was always too shy or ashamed… Just do it. It can be life changing.

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